People hear “mindfulness” and think it’s some fancy, mysterious thing. It isn’t. It’s paying attention to what’s happening right now, inside you and around you, without rushing to decide whether it’s good or bad. The sitting practice comes out of Buddhism, but you don’t have to be Buddhist to do it. You just have to be a person whose brain wanders off. So, everyone.
The Japanese word for it is nen, and I love how it’s written. The character is two pieces stacked together. The top one means now, and the bottom one means heart. Now, heart. That’s really the whole thing, and it took me years of study to figure out what one little character already knew.
For a working mom, the sitting part alone can feel like a gift. Ten minutes where nobody needs a snack, a signature, or a ride. Ten minutes where you don’t have to do anything or take care of anyone. I’ll take it. I’ll take it in the car in the parking lot if that’s what I’ve got.
But the real point is what happens when you get up. Most of the day we’re on autopilot. I can pack a lunch, answer an email, and have a whole argument in my head with someone who isn’t even there, all at once, and not remember a second of it. Mindfulness is just catching that and coming back. Doing the thing while you’re doing the thing. It sounds easy. It is not easy.
It helps with the kids, too. When I’m actually paying attention, I don’t have to hover and nag as much, because I’m already watching. And when I get curious instead of annoyed, like, huh, why is this kid melting down about the blue cup, the whole thing goes differently. Not always. More often than you’d think.
My one worry is that mindfulness is getting turned into another self-help project. One more thing to be good at, one more way to fix yourself. Please don’t do that to it. You’re not broken, and you don’t need fixing. It’s just a way of being with yourself, and being a little kinder while you’re there. You’re not trying to get better. You’re trying to be here, and be human about it, and that’s enough.
Here are some mindful techniques for working mothers:
Three-minute breathing space:
Step 1: To begin with, take a comfortable seat in a quiet place and close your eyes. You can set your timer to 3 minutes or gauge the time.
Step 2: Adopt an erect and dignified posture, whether sitting or standing. If possible, close your eyes.
Step 3: Ask: What is my experience right now? Becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Noticing the state of mind, or what is the tenor of the mind right now.
Step 4: Gather your awareness by taking a few fuller breaths to center yourself. Let go of any tightness or tension in the body as best you can.
Step 5: Then gently redirect full attention to breathing, to the experience of the in-breath as it moves into the body and the experience of the out-breath as the air leaves the body. Follow the breath in and out. Use the breath as an anchor to tether the awareness in the present.
Step 6: Now expand the field of your awareness so that it includes a sense of the body as a whole, your posture, and facial expression. Ask: How am I?
Step 7: Notice whether your experience is one of automatic pilot, with little sense of the moment; or else one of being driven or striving to achieve something. See if you can bring a quality of gentle acceptance to whatever you find.
Step 8: Practice the breathing space informally at first, three times a day. Use it to punctuate transitions between various activities — as a way of coming back to the center before you plunge into the next thing on your agenda. After a few days of this, pause and reflect on the effects of the practice on the quality of your presence and participation in daily activities.
Guided Meditation
Step 1: Find a time and quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
Step 2: Sit down, close your eyes, and put your attention on your breath or the sensation on the body sitting.
Step 3: Listen to the guided meditation. (There are many guided meditations on YouTube, Amazon Music, Spotify, and Apple Music. Calm and Breathe are great apps too!)
Step 4: Once the guided meditation is over, spend a few moments paying attention to the breath before returning to your daily activities.
The Daily Calm (https://www.youtube.com/@calm) This guided mindfulness meditation can be a steadying support for mothers who are juggling multiple roles at home and at work. Each day, you can receive an email from the Daily Calm, which offers a link to that day’s meditation. Most meditations run from 10–20 minutes, some are longer. You can use this as a guide to practice as well as refer to it when you have a few moments and need to return to a mindfulness practice of your own.
Breathing space: Throughout the day, you may find that life is a constant shuffle of things to do and places to be. In all the rush, it’s easy to fall into the routine of feeling rushed, multitasking through one event and onto the next. During periods of stress, this exercise offers a mini-vacation — one in which you can take to stop and retreat for a few moments no matter where you are.
Incorporating mindfulness into daily life. I sometimes start my day by mindfully making and drinking a cup of coffee. I find using the senses in this way, even if just for a short few minutes, can help set a calm tone for the day ahead. Similar practices might include savoring a piece of fruit, or mindfully touching your child’s cheek as they eat breakfast.
Household chores can be integrated into mindfulness practice very easily. It’s best approached using informal meditation. All this involves is bringing full attention to the experience of the activity. So if you are vacuuming, feel the sensation fully with each step — the noise under your feet, the movement of your arm back and forth. When you become aware that your mind has wandered, gently bring it back to the movement and sound of the cleaner. This will also help increase your concentration.
Lunchtime can be another good opportunity for mindfulness practice, particularly during the working day. If you usually eat at your desk while working, try taking a break and savoring your food. Note the sights, smells, textures, and taste of the food. This kind of presence is known to be beneficial to the digestive process and can also be rewarding to the cook! Coming home and doing this when your children eat can also be an enriching experience for both you and them. Mindfulness can help in those tricky moments with children when you are just about to pull out your hair!
Taking a moment or two to just stop and breathe can be remarkably calming. Also, children have a natural ability to be mindful, and you may have noticed that they can be engrossed in an activity for long periods when they’re enjoying it. You can use your mindfulness practice to join them in this, and it can become a precious shared experience between you. One more thing to mention is that mindfulness is about moving towards a less goal-oriented state while still being fully engaged in the present. So it’s not about trying to get every task done as quickly as possible so you can sit down and do some mindfulness practice! But mindfulness can increase your awareness of when it’s time to take a break, and an ability to make better judgment calls about what needs doing right now and what can wait until later.
If this can be done successfully and consistently, I strongly agree that one day when your children grow up, you will not regret the moments you lost when your children need you. Mindfulness can also be a complex path that includes behavioral change and acceptance of self and others. Remembering this will help keep peace of mind for you. Provided with a clear set of instructions to follow and active participation, parents can experience all the benefits of mindfulness for kids. Remember to provide a loving kind tone to parenting and never judge yourself as a bad parent. Everyone makes mistakes. Mindfulness is not about being perfect; it is about becoming aware of our inner state and developing a conscious way of living
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