Mindfulness is a meditation technique that cultivates a state of focused attention on the present moment. It is based on open and receptive attention to what is happening within us and around us. The formal meditation practices of mindfulness come from the Buddhist tradition, but the transformation of mindful awareness is universal and can be cultivated by anyone. The emphasis of mindfulness is to bring one’s attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment, and such a practice is said to lead to a state of “being in the moment” and “living in the present”. While various spiritual traditions and cultural practices have recognized the importance of living in the present, the West has taken an interest in mindfulness as a way to positively impact one’s physical and mental health. This increasing popularity comes from ample scientific research suggesting that mindfulness is a useful tool for improvement in these areas.
For working mothers, time to themselves is often rare and precious. The practice of formal sitting meditation in a quiet area can provide a time when one doesn’t have to do anything or take care of anyone. There are three key aspects of mindfulness: first is self-regulation of attention; second is adopting a particular orientation toward the present moment which is characterized by curiosity, openness, and acceptance; and third is the attitude with which the first two are carried out: that is, intention has to do with letting go, and is nonjudgmental. Our goal in being mindful is to stop the automatic or default mode we are so often in. This can be done by focusing on what we are doing while we are doing it. The three aspects of mindfulness are something that can occur and be extremely useful in everyday life, and in turn, relieve the stress of working mothers. Self-regulation of attention can help you find ways to keep a watchful eye on your children without feeling stressed and constantly nagging. Changing the attitude of an experience to curiosity and openness is easy to relate to and can improve the quality of our daily experiences.
Now, mindfulness is in danger of being reduced to a self-help tool or a technical fix for psychological problems. We have to keep in mind that mindfulness is not about fixing anything or implanting something that is not already right. It is a way of being with ourselves, a way of befriending and taking care of ourselves. Since we are considering mindfulness as a way to relieve the stress and tension working mothers in particular feel, this definition of mindfulness is important to keep in mind. We are not trying to improve, but simply be in touch with being human. As we learn more about being in the moment, we learn more about how to be more fulfilled and happy with our lives.
The Japanese word for mindfulness is “nen” which means now/mind cultivation. Although mindfulness practice is a part of all Buddhist traditions, it is the Zen tradition that most clearly encompasses it. This is due to the special teachings of the Buddha’s immediate followers preserved and passed down.
Here are some mindful techniques for working mothers:
Three-minute breathing space:
Step 1: To begin with, take a comfortable seat in a quiet place and close your eyes. You can set your timer to 3 minutes or gauge the time.
Step 2: Adopt an erect and dignified posture, whether sitting or standing. If possible, close your eyes.
Step 3: Ask: What is my experience right now? Becoming aware of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. Noticing the state of mind, or what is the tenor of the mind right now.
Step 4: Gather your awareness by taking a few fuller breaths to center yourself. Let go of any tightness or tension in the body as best you can.
Step 5: Then gently redirect full attention to breathing, to the experience of the in-breath as it moves into the body and the experience of the out-breath as the air leaves the body. Follow the breath in and out. Use the breath as an anchor to tether the awareness in the present.
Step 6: Now expand the field of your awareness so that it includes a sense of the body as a whole, your posture, and facial expression. Ask: How am I?
Step 7: Notice whether your experience is one of automatic pilot, with little sense of the moment; or else one of being driven or striving to achieve something. See if you can bring a quality of gentle acceptance to whatever you find.
Step 8: Practice the breathing space informally at first, three times a day. Use it to punctuate transitions between various activities — as a way of coming back to the center before you plunge into the next thing on your agenda. After a few days of this, pause and reflect on the effects of the practice on the quality of your presence and participation in daily activities.
Guided Meditation
Step 1: Find a time and quiet place where you will not be disturbed.
Step 2: Sit down, close your eyes, and put your attention on your breath or the sensation on the body sitting.
Step 3: Listen to the guided meditation. (There are many guided meditations on YouTube, Amazon Music, Spotify, and Apple Music. Calm and Breathe are great apps too!)
Step 4: Once the guided meditation is over, spend a few moments paying attention to the breath before returning to your daily activities.
The Daily Calm (https://www.youtube.com/@calm) This guided mindfulness meditation can be a steadying support for mothers who are juggling multiple roles at home and at work. Each day, you can receive an email from the Daily Calm, which offers a link to that day’s meditation. Most meditations run from 10–20 minutes, some are longer. You can use this as a guide to practice as well as refer to it when you have a few moments and need to return to a mindfulness practice of your own.
Breathing space: Throughout the day, you may find that life is a constant shuffle of things to do and places to be. In all the rush, it’s easy to fall into the routine of feeling rushed, multitasking through one event and onto the next. During periods of stress, this exercise offers a mini-vacation — one in which you can take to stop and retreat for a few moments no matter where you are.
Incorporating mindfulness into daily life. I sometimes start my day by mindfully making and drinking a cup of coffee. I find using the senses in this way, even if just for a short few minutes, can help set a calm tone for the day ahead. Similar practices might include savoring a piece of fruit, or mindfully touching your child’s cheek as they eat breakfast. Household chores can be integrated into mindfulness practice very easily. It’s best approached using informal meditation. All this involves is bringing full attention to the experience of the activity. So if you are vacuuming, feel the sensation fully with each step — the noise under your feet, the movement of your arm back and forth. When you become aware that your mind has wandered, gently bring it back to the movement and sound of the cleaner. This will also help increase your concentration. Lunchtime can be another good opportunity for mindfulness practice, particularly during the working day. If you usually eat at your desk while working, try taking a break and savoring your food. Note the sights, smells, textures, and taste of the food. This kind of presence is known to be beneficial to the digestive process and can also be rewarding to the cook! Coming home and doing this when your children eat can also be an enriching experience for both you and them. Mindfulness can help in those tricky moments with children when you are just about to pull out your hair! Taking a moment or two to just stop and breathe can be remarkably calming. Also, children have a natural ability to be mindful, and you may have noticed that they can be engrossed in an activity for long periods when they’re enjoying it. You can use your mindfulness practice to join them in this, and it can become a precious shared experience between you. One more thing to mention is that mindfulness is about moving towards a less goal-oriented state while still being fully engaged in the present. So it’s not about trying to get every task done as quickly as possible so you can sit down and do some mindfulness practice! But mindfulness can increase your awareness of when it’s time to take a break, and an ability to make better judgment calls about what needs doing right now and what can wait until later.
If this can be done successfully and consistently, I strongly agree that one day when your children grow up, you will not regret the moments you lost when your children need you. Mindfulness can also be a complex path that includes behavioral change and acceptance of self and others. Remembering this will help keep peace of mind for you. Provided with a clear set of instructions to follow and active participation, parents can experience all the benefits of mindfulness for kids. Remember to provide a loving kind tone to parenting and never judge yourself as a bad parent. Everyone makes mistakes. Mindfulness is not about being perfect; it is about becoming aware of our inner state and developing a conscious way of living
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